I think it has happened. I think I am officially old.
On paper, I’m a half century old. Physically, I feel as if at least six decades of life has led to a lot of wear and tear on me, from head to toe.
Mentally, though, I’ve always felt 10 to 20 years younger than I am.
And then I saw the movie “Jason Bourne.”
It was bad. Not sucky bad. Just stupid bad.
My head refuses to suspend belief anymore, thus I fear I am officially old.
Tell me a story and make it realistic, or else I’ll pick it apart.
And oh how “Jason Bourne” could be torn apart and shredded.
I’ve always loved action-packed adventures and I still do.
Last week, I saw the movie “Nerve” – starring Emma Roberts and Dave Franco. And I enjoyed it. It was a movie geared toward a generation lower than me, but it was full of action … mostly believable action that kept you on the edge of your seat.
Here is the synopsis from IDMB: “The most dangerous former operative of the CIA is drawn out of hiding to uncover hidden truths about his past.”
Once again, Bourne is drawn out of hiding. (Yawn). How many times can you go to that well?
Matt Damon is a movie star and this movie will do nothing to take away from that.
It also stars Tommy Lee Jones, who can play a good guy or a bad guy with equal aplomb. And, when he’s playing the head of the CIA, it’s fair to say he’s playing a little bit of both.
Julia Stiles (remember her?) also returns, but (spoiler alert) her movie career might have come to a sudden end in this one. (After all, can you name anything else she’s been in lately?).
Alicia Vikander makes her Bourne debut as the CIA’s Heather Lee and while she’s workable and believable in a starring role, it certainly doesn’t come close to giving her much of challenge. There is no depth in this character whatsoever.
One big issue I had with casting was in Vincent Cassel as a CIA Asset whose sole job was to kill Jason Bourne.
Back in 2004 Cassel starred in “Ocean’s Twelve” as Francois Toulour, the antagonist to Damon’s group of good guys.
Through the entire showing of Bourne, I kept waiting for Danny Ocean or Rusty to rush in for some comic relief.
Alas, it never arrived.
Instead, it was two hours and three minutes of car crashes and gun shots and people finding people under conditions where you’d be lucky to find a Starbucks on any city corner.
One car crash in particular would have obviously decapitated Bourne on the spot, yet somehow he walks away … again.
And watching Cassel drive a police SWAT armored vehicle through what must have been 50 cars — and to keep going — was again ridiculous.
Now, I’m a firm believer in a chase scene being believable with the greatest chase scene in cinematic history coming from “To Live and Die in L.A.” as proof in the pudding.
Jason Bourne, however, was just dragged under by the fact that it’s too unbelievable to be entertaining.
I rolled my eyes far too many times in two hours and I don’t go to the movies for that purpose.
My advice: Waiting for it to come to HBO or TNT. I wasted $5.75 on a 10:15 a.m. showing of the movie and I left feeling as though I had wasted money.
I give it a three on a scale of 10.